Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The Olympian is in my bed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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