Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
