There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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