Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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