i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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