Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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