I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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