grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
