also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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