I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
