I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
