the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
