Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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