Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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