Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
