so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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