her vagine was all disorganized.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
