So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
