In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
