i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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