I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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