I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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