You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
