Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
