I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
