i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
