Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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