Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
COCAINE IS GR8
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