She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
