it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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