I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
