We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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