this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
