listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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