the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
