I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
