I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
