I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
