MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
