I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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