She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
