I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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