fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
