Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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