We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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