five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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