OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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