shes about as inviting as chlamydia
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
