Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
