So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
