I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
