Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
