Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
