this boner is exhausting
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
