I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
