i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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