Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
