Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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