just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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