I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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