Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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