he shaved USA in his pubs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
