My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
