I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
