There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
