He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
