I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
