weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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