i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
