I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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