she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
