Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize