she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
